A real hartwarming letter from Cheskey Fishman:

 

Dearest Bobby, Mom, and the whole family,

No matter what the age, health condition, or circumstances are, it always comes as a shock when someone close to us passes away. It’s a time of mourning, feeling the great loss, and looking deep within ourselves and having a reality check of where that person stood in our lives and the impacts and meaning that person had on who we are as a person. How much more when that someone was our amazing Zaidy, a pure golden angel of a person, and the head of our amazing beautiful family. In essence, a lot of who we are today stems from the roots of our family tree and he was the biggest root.

To be honest when I heard that in Chabad they don’t make Hespeds, it bothered me a bit. I know that when someone passes away his soul flies across time and space. The soul travels from one end of the universe to the other, and travels across all the memories and actions that made up his life. They say that his one place of comfort from the shock of what life was about is his physical body. By the funeral the soul joins the family in their mourning, and gains comfort in hearing all about what their life meant to everyone and the impact they made on this world. Remembering Zaidy and who he was as person quickly made me realize that this is exactly what he would have wanted. Zaidy was never drawn to respect and honor; he didn’t like being in the spot light, or hearing what an amazing person he was. He considered himself a regular person, just like everyone else, maybe even less. By being a humble person he always strived to better himself, to leave a legacy here that would be remembered by others. I even remember a while back my mother saying to me, that before Zaidy went into surgery, he had asked her that maybe he didn’t fulfill what he was put here to do, maybe it’s not enough. Now a person as humble as Zaidy, when others would go on and on about how great they were would be embarrassed and leave the room, not wanting to hear more. Now that Zaidy is in the Olam Haemet, the world of pure truth, where everyone in Heaven can see his true self, he feels embarrassed enough, if you would say, that people here saying all the stories wouldn’t make him happy. So I believe that at the funeral, Zaidy seeing all the family, whether there or around any part of the world, took comfort just by seeing all that he has done and built in life, all that his 90 plus years have contributed to this world and the purpose of his Hashem putting him here. He knows that he accomplished all that he was meant to, plus so much more.

Im remembering that as kids we would go to Bobby and Zaidy for Shabbat, and am remembering some of my highlights from spending time there. To me one of my favorite moments was right after Havdala. During Shabbat, Zaidy would make sure to learn with all the kids and review what they learnt during the week. No matter how many of us were there he would learn with all of us, and not just make believe he was listening, he would take such pride and interest, and then run to the Sforim shelves and pull out a sefer that we wouldn’t even open in school for another 10 years, and within seconds flip to the right page, and show us what that meforish said. After havdala one by one he would take us to his hallway closet, open one of his jackets, and pull out a dollar and give it to us. No, the dollar is not my fond memories; its how he gave it to me. He would always pet my cheek, and hold my shoulder, and tell me how proud he was of me, and actually thanked me for learning with him, and telling me that I should continue just like I am and I will grow to greatness. It was sincere and real, the amount of love and the words spoken, time after time, week after week, year after year, that I received in that hallway echoes throughout my life and haunts me now as I write this. I am sure that I wasn’t the only one who got this treatment, and that’s what’s all the more amazing, he had 100 or so grandkids, and to tattoo that feeling into the very fibers of our beings is amazing, and just shows a glimpse of who he was as a person.

As a child I spent a lot of time by Zaidy and Bobby, many Shabatot, Pesach seders, Sukkot in Montreal, and even living by them for some time. Never did he have a negative thing to say, never did he get angry, never treated anyone wrong. Always did he show me love, as well as anyone that came into his house or spoke to him for that matter. He took interest in all, no matter from 2 days old to older than him.

I can proudly say that what I strive to be in terms of a person, and what I strive to gain out of my life, is a lot due to Zaidy. He taught me so much, and analyzing how he lived his life and analyzing my memories, and of course implementing it, would be like a guide book to being the best person I can be, to fulfill my purpose on this earth. Sadly I can also say that I have much much work to do to even begin walking in his footsteps, let alone his enormous shoes.

Its difficult writing this, or even finding words to write, since all I keep seeing is his smiling assuring loving face. I keep spacing off smiling back to him and remembering our life and times together, and crying about all the time I missed spending with him, and all the more I could have gained from him.

Bobby, I apologize if anything is written wrong, or not in the proper time or place.

Zaidy I love you and miss you, and hope you forgive me if I did anything wrong to you ever, or didn’t respect you enough. It will be very difficult imagining life without you or learning new things from you, or hearing your stories. The root that you are in this family tree has not died; your root will live on through your legacy, through your family, through me. On the contrary it will only get fatter and stronger, and sprout many more branches.

I wish all the family Hamakom Yenchem Etchem Btoch Shaar Aveilei Tzion Vyerushalayim, may we gain strength and comfort from the happy life and great memories that Zaidy left behind, and knowing that he is up there in heaven watching over us now, and protecting us from any more sorrow.

With Love, respect, and grief